broken mirrors

The other night, I spent hours writing an article on inward beauty, and how a gentle spirit matters more than True Religion jeans.  We place so much importance on our appearance that we let the true elegance of our spirit go both unnoticed and unrecognized.  I stayed up late editing the piece, and was happy with how it turned out, and hoped that the national magazine where I submitted it would publish it.

The next day, my six-year-old had a play date.  I had been slumming around all week in workout attire, so I finally fixed my hair, put on a frilly top, and wore a necklace.  I sat poolside and shared with another mom how sad it was that someone I know seemed to stop caring about herself, and how she is just too pretty to let herself go like that.  The vitriol speech flowed like warm honey out of my mouth.  I didn’t even bat an eye.

Let me recap.

  1. I wrote an article on how outward beauty is overrated.
  2. I felt all slap-happy proud of myself for writing it.
  3. I dolled up for a bunch of moms who didn’t really care how I looked
  4. I totally slammed on some poor hapless victim about her lack of outward beauty
  5. I went home singing show tunes and eating popsicles

Sometimes I want to poke my own eyes out like one of the Three Stooges.  How can I possibly be such a screw-up?  Can I not go 24 hours without being so downright hypocritical?  I texted the mom I was talking to and apologized for my words, but it fell flat.  I lowered my head to ask for forgiveness.  I realized how flawed I am as a human being, and I wondered why God keeps giving me second chances.

Peter promised Jesus he wouldn’t betray him.  He felt with every fiber of his being that he wouldn’t. And yet he did.  Because left to our own devices, we say one thing and do another. We fall asleep and say hurtful words and fill our lives with vanity.  We give to the church but ignore the poor.  We pray for hours, and then walk out spewing vinegar from our mouths.  It’s a disgrace to our Creator.  It’s a disgrace to others who see us as examples.  It’s a disgrace to ourselves.  Our lives are but a broken mirror with past mistakes and shattered weaknesses strewn around on the floor.

But God repairs, and cuts heal.  I’ll regroup as the new day dawns, as Peter did.  Not due not to my own strength, but of His.

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  1. Dee Studebaker says:

    Amanda: I’m a lawyer (passed the bar in 1994) and now a mom of 2 boys and adore my hubby and left the practice full time but try to keep my toes in the legal world writing briefs for other lawyers who don’t like to write. With kids in school earlier this week I turned to my go to expert “Google” to look for other over-achieving lawyer/attorney women turned SAHM. I found you. Today my kids and I found cars with names that sounded like pieces of furniture (let’s get an Sent from my iPhone

  2. Dee Studebaker says:

    Whoops. Didn’t have my readers on while I was writing my previous reply. I’m sitting outside because my house is full of smoke because I got a wild hair to do the “self clean” to get rid of the brisket juice that overflowed last time my hubby smoked some meat. I haven’t ever met you. But we are alot alike. Anyway, I too love the Lord. I hope you are able to get published. I can tell it’s a passion of yours. God is big. We are taught to put Him in a box. I want to recommend a book for you to read. Not because of the great writing (it’s somewhat repetitive at times – look past that for the bigger message). It is “The Rest of the Gospel” by dan stone & David Gregory. It is a great way to view ourselves & our lives through the eternal. Please email me if you want me to share my copy. I buy extras to give to people. You can find them super cheap on You will love the way it helps our view of all things. I don’t work for them or even know them. A friend at my church gave me a copy. I have a great story to share if when we ever get to know each other. I live in Fayetteville AR. -Dee Studebaker Sent from my iPhone

  3. Dee – that is a super long and wonderful reply to be tapped out on your iphone! You rock! I’m glad I inspired you to find humorous ways to view car titles (I mean Chevy Avalanche? Honestly?) and I’ll totally order that book. Thanks for reading my words!


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