(1) You eat hummus, salami, and triskets more than three nights in a row
(2) You are thinking of shaving your legs, the razor is starting to rust, and your reaction is “Meh. It’ll wait.”
(3) Your consideration of a fun night out is off to Target armed with returns, a Starbucks run, and a girly movie from Red Box
(4) You call your dog “pookie” and ask him if he likes your shoes
(5) The last time you wore your little black dress was at your cousin Jerry’s wedding
(6) You go to bed early on Saturday night. Period. Like for any reason whatsoever
(7) You call all your random girlfriends to see if they want a candlelit dinner. You’re making roast! There will be wine! Possible dancing!
(8) You spend $150 getting highlights and the only person to see your hair is your retired neighbor
(9) You start writing poetry about the weather. The wind, it’s gusty. The rain, it pelts.
(10)You stay up at night imagining conversations with co-workers in the break room
(11)People tell you about their night on 6th street and you’re wondering if that street is in a neighborhood with a culda-sac
(12)The last movie you saw involved Tom Hanks in any fashion
(13) Your glory days were in acid-washed jeans
(14) The only person that texts you is your mother. Mostly about what television shows you guys are scheduled to watch together.
(15)Because you’re a human being in need of love.
Let’s go, hermits of the world. Dust off the razor, stop talking to your dog, and get back out there.