Twenty Random Things I said to my Five-Year-Old this Week

• No, honey.  Mosquitoes are not amphibians just because their eggs float on top of the water.  That doesn’t count.

• Butterflies don’t make honey.  That’s a job only for the bees.

• Where exactly are the heart pains?  Show me.

• It doesn’t matter if bees and butterflies are best friends and they share nectar.

• Yes (in response to “did you know that [Hey Soul Sister] is my favorite song?”)

• I’m on a conference call in five minutes, so this is the last piece of tape I’m going to give you.  The last one.

• No, you can’t go to [the babysitter’s house] just because you have a fever and can’t go to school and she lets you watch videos on utube.  You’re just stuck staying home with me.

• Trillion is a word, remarkably.  Ask any government official.

• You still need to make a get-well card for your great grandmother, despite the fact that “you’re sick too.”  You have a 99 degree temperature, and she’s in the hospital with a broken hip. It’s not the same.

• Bees.  That’s it.  Those are the only guys that make honey.  Why is that so difficult for you?

• Yes, you do have sags under your eyes

• Earthworms are also not amphibians even though they wallow around in mud after it rains.  Still not the same.  But great question; I can see the confusion.

• You’d rather have chicken-and-stars soup out of a can than this [homemade pasta with fresh spinach and feta cheese and basil pesto]?  So that’s a yes, I take it.  Super.

• No.  I will not save that leftover two tablespoons of broth for you in the refrigerator for later.  When exactly will you eat that?

• Please don’t keep giving your brother pacifiers behind my back. It’s annoying. He doesn’t need three of them at once.

• I just love this necklace of yellow pom-poms and random beads you found in your dresser. I’ll treasure it forever.

• Why did you leave me a “very special love note” that reads “glow in the dark?”  Oh, you just copied it from that puzzle box over there?  That’s cool.  It works.

• Did I say it wrong?  The book clearly says “Repunzel.”  Oh, my bad.  “Barbie as Repunzel.”  That’s different.

• I’m sorry your head feels like a thousand knives are shredding it into pieces. That really must hurt.

• Right back at ya (in response to her double-hand squeeze plus two taps at the grocery store, which is our special way of saying I love you to each other in public so that it’s not cheesy and embarrassing).

And tomorrow’s only Wednesday. . .