The hate splintered off my fingers, it did.
It was difficult to manage due to all the pokes and prickles and blood drops as the words fell, but I listed all the anger and bulleted out my reasons and explained to the universe how I’d been so terribly wronged. The hurt and the so-not-fair and the years wasted. It was all there for the next generation to pity.
Then I got up before the kids woke, early when the birds belted out their happy melodies and the flag flapped on the front porch in the sunshine. I stood over my kitchen sink and burned it, the list of hate. The mockery of love. The not-so-fair and the not-so-perfect and the never-to-be-seen again.
I watched the flames consume the words in black, enveloping them like racing stallions toward a finish line of ash, before the flame caught up. Fire does that – starts with consumption and ends with a harsh burn.
I swept the ashes in the sink, turned on the disposal, and watched it all vanish like it had never been. Which is what you do with hate, really. Watch it vanish as it had never existed, because the only way to rid it goodbye is to burn it and instead replace it with good.
I sat with a cup of strong coffee with the other list, the one that outlines the positive, and the beautiful, and things that made me smile. It soothed like Caladryl on a bite as I ran my fingers over these healing words. And I felt a calm wash over, because when a heart is filled with love it can’t be anxious, and when a mind is fueled by gratitude it has no room for revenge, and I thanked God for the gift of fire that purifies, and paper that can be burned, and of a heart that is willing to overcome.
photo:
(threew’s) followed by: flickr.com/photos/theodorescott/5077015716/sizes/m/in/photolist-8JD2TJ-dPSEQ2-8MduYk-8Mgy65-8Mgy8Y-8MduPn-8Mgy1Y-4W7eX8-aR8kyv-3zLCZq-5eTYRE-3gtex-6bUzHM-8jfvYP-2BRJT-MDuK5-2BRYy-7yt7Kn-7ibwsD-dYe5RL-dYe5Rd-a5nQAf-boz5xe-dcGuvi-dcGuxc-6DV2Zo-dPSENr-7XijeJ-d5m7SL-6XhKSg-hGfS-8uKhgR-5XFK2-a7ZbdJ-4XQRFZ-7ywVPq-7ywVSJ-dMCQAh-71jFte-7yt7Hn-7yt7FM-7ywVM3-6kdbEQ-6kd5Z5-6kd41S-6kcYAm-6k8Q5X-6k8Lsr-6kd7HW-6k8XRc-dJBUfv
y’know, it has felt like a decade since i’ve been here last. but i think of you lovingly every day. do you know that?
and i can’t read what was on that list, but i might have an idea of what a few of those hate-words were. and i love you for telling us your story. for letting yourself be seen.
a heart that overcomes, indeed.
Wow, Amanda. Just wow. What an act of truth, grace and courage. We can all learn from that. I know I have. Hugs.
sweet release … sweet relief
That’s what it takes sometimes.
there is truth and a flame of healing set on the page here. mercy and grace rain down, and douse the flames. forgiveness and love, the balm on the lines of your heart. i love you and we haven’t even met, brave and courageous woman. look forward to hugging you IRL. press on in love.