- When it comes to housekeeping, hire someone. I’m not going to feel guilty about this. I’ll go without new clothes, let my hair go grey, eat generic-brand food. But my housekeeper stays. If I could afford it, I’d have someone live here full time just to do my laundry.
- Buy fresh flowers. Not only for a birthday or special occasion, but for yourself, because you are a human being and deserve it. You don’t have to purchase the typical ones they set out and push on you at the grocery store. Oh, is that a combination of mums and roses and babies breath with a few tiger lilies? YAWN BORING TIRED OF IT. Look for flowers with similar color tones, mixed with greenery or berries that are interesting. I like seeded eucalyptus and dusty miller. Find something from your own back yard to add in the mix. Dig deep here, people. Do not continue to buy Alstroemeria because you think that’s your only option. However, if they have absolutely no options, grab a bunch of white carnations and pack them tightly in a small vase.
- This salted caramel sensation has gone too far. Not everything needs a thick layer of rock salt. Calm the heck down and don’t let sodium run your life. Regular caramel is really good by itself. Oatmeal cookies don’t need to taste like popcorn. I feel this unique craze has taken over the world. Who wants salt in their latte? Weird crazy people, that’s who. PUT THE SHAKER DOWN.
- If you are baking a cake and something terrible happens – the cake falls, breaks, is lumpy, you are trying to ice it and it ends up a disaster, always have a trifle in your mind as a back-up-plan. A trifle is just chunks of cake, layered with custard, layered with whipped cream, layered with berries. So the cake is ugly! No one will notice. Remember this in cake-related emergencies.
- Speaking of custard, take that box mix of pudding and throw it in the trash. It’s blasphemy. There is nothing – I MEAN NOTHING – like warm wonderful pudding when it’s fresh. It is creamier and tastes better and isn’t make from dumping a packet in with milk. If you make pudding from a box don’t tell me about it. I don’t want to think of you in this way.
- I am not an excellent pie crust maker. I consider this a weakness. I’d like to encourage you to admit your weaknesses from time to time as it adds to your charm. That being said, when I say this out loud it’s shameful. I’m going to spend the weekend making seven different types of pie crusts. I hope you, too, can learn how to make a good pie crust. It’s important. I hang my head in shame.
- Let’s discuss the cooking of broccoli. It’s a hundred times better if you roast it with a good olive oil until it’s practically burned, turning frequently, and the sprinkle generously with fresh parmesan and salt. This is a time in which salt is acceptable. If you simply boil it in water, you will discover it to taste like old shoes and really life isn’t worth living.
- The way to the perfect mashed potatoes is to barely cover them in the pot with chicken broth and milk, cook until tender, and then put the potatoes in the blender with heavy cream and butter and salt. You will never want potatoes any other way. Thank you, Cooks Illustrated.
- When decorating a mantle, remember layering and the rule of three. Don’t set a lone item on there unless it’s a very large statement piece. Remember you can use things like books, sticks, old windows – anything that adds a layer of whimsy is good. But not too much or it will look like granny’s bookshelf.
- When planning parties, remember there will be that one friend who says “oh, I’m doing paleo” or “I can’t eat anything with dairy in it” or “I’m deathly allergic to nuts.” My advice is, cook what you want and let them figure it out. But don’t serve them chocolate-covered almond bark if you don’t want the EMS at your door. What a buzzkill that is.
- Always make people feel welcome in your home. After all, home is a place of refuge, safety, flowers, laughter, and wine. If they don’t drink wine, they are on their own. If flowers make them sneeze, remind them to take allergy medication. If they don’t like to laugh, don’t invite them over. Laughter is the epitome of life. Even if you ruin the cake, buy roses, over-layer the mantle, screw up the pie crust, and burn the broccoli. If you can laugh about it, your life will work out just fine. Take it from a lifestyle novice like me.
