We are taught to love people. Across the land scrolled out on rainbows and on blimps and in store windows, are the words “love” and “accept” and “be kind.” We like to think of ourselves as loving people, embracing those who are different from ourselves. And we think of ourselves as progressive and modern for loving what was, a mere fifty years ago, unlovable. Heidi Klum had a saying on “Project Runway:” one day you’re in, and the other day, you’re out. Apparently some groups were out, now they are in, and may be out again. Human beings are fickle with whom they choose to allow in their circles, the lines ever shifting. Remember junior high school, where you were a 13-year-old outcast who didn’t have the right jeans or the right brand of shoes and everyone laughed at you? Okay maybe that was just me.
The point is, groups are always circling and morphing, and people are constantly letting some in and spitting others out depending on the culture and the country and the era and the age.
But these same people who profess to be tolerant and loving of all people are quick to judge those wearing Trump hats, or who they see as racist, or someone they feel supports too many social programs or is a “bleeding heart liberal” or “right wing whacko.” And yes, maybe even “kids these days.” Oh my Lord, I’m sorry. I’m this person. But we do we really have to be tolerant with that guy? He’s a white supremacist misogynistic bigot.
Political lines are prime battlegrounds for what we see as justifiable hate.
Sometimes people really are morally reprehensible and hurt us deeply, and we don’t like what they stand for. And we have to stand up for those who are hurt by them that cannot protect themselves. And sometimes we have to listen to our inner conscience and learn to walk away from toxicity. That’s true. But we aren’t talking about forgiveness or self-sufficiency or preservation. Now, I want to just focus on assholes generally. From afar. And how much we thrust them out of our circles and vilify them.
We don’t like the clothing that certain people wear. Do they have no decency? We don’t like the words that spew from their mouth. Do they have no self-respect? We don’t like the intolerance we see them teaching their children. Do they have no heart? What about the hurt they have caused in the world – do they not have the same moral compass? Are they not Americans? In essence, they are worth hating. Kinda like how lima beans are worth hating. But I digress.
This is part of the dehumanizing process. If you are a bleeding heart liberal or a stupid racist redneck, you are saying these people aren’t on the same level as a normal, rational human beings with a stable emotional core that, in your mind, deserve to be loved. By arguing they are so evil they are almost not human, it allows the door wide open to ridicule, mock, curse at, put down, and yes, even hate. Block those racist bastards.
I am no psychologist. I’m no academic studying human behavior. I’m just a lawyer who likes to garden and write essays, who has admittedly made fun of the President’s unruly hair. I write humor for goodness sakes. I can make fun of anything. But I am a human being and I try and listen to a great teacher who taught me lessons. Lessons that, frankly, are very hard to put in practice.
Because on some level, culturally, our moral compass seems right. We think we are hating the right people. Because it is correct to hate things that are wrong. I mean, we don’t like murderers, or child molesters. We certainly don’t like people who hate others just because of the color of their skin or who they fall in love with. We detest the things they have done. We also don’t like women with thin waists and great skin, but that just makes us shallow. But with the real assholes, we feel justified in minimizing that person, blocking them – basically dehumanizing them.
I think if Jesus came to earth today, he would go to a MAGA rally. He would see people holding up signs and shouting “send her back” and saying all kinds of horrible things, and he would have a meal with someone at that rally. He’d walk through a rich neighborhood where a housewife just said “we don’t like those kind of people around here.” He would walk down a street in a suburb of any city in America and stop to talk to a man watering his yard, maybe about the things he does in his basement he’s ashamed of or the way he disrespects his wife, or maybe just about the state of his heart. The fact is, Jesus did not eat with the well, but the sick. He did not shy away or block those with whom he disagreed, he walked straight into the middle of the hive.
That sticks with me that he had zero fear, and a completely open heart to heal, love, cure. We, as humans, are filled with fear. Fear of not being loved, fear of being rejected, fear of failure, feel of death.
We are not Jesus, but we are given a commandment. That is to love everyone. That includes our enemies, the ones with whom we do not want to share a meal. The ones that we do not agree with. The ones with whom we wish would fall off the side of a building or eat poisoned grapes. Although I don’t think anyone actually eats poisoned grapes. Maybe fermented grapes, but that’s just wine and we are all for that. But these bad people that don’t deserve our love, didn’t do anything to earn our love, and do not value the very essence of human life. So you’re saying to God or Jesus or your best friend, “yeah, but no thanks.” I’ll love some other people that I don’t find so reprehensible. I mean, don’t murder and don’t commit adultery, etc. That stuff I can live with. But loving racists? You’ve gone too far.
I think the whole concept of “love” here in confusing. Like we are commanded to invite them over for a beer or be okay with how they act or give them a hug. I ain’t hugging no child molester. I see this more of a verb of compassion. Have compassion for those whose ideas we strongly disagree with or who have broken commandments that we can more obviously see. But not compassion from a lofty place, clicking your tongue in pity. Compassion as a fellow human being to another human being, on and eye-to-eye level, who is just trying to overcome their own demons and make it in the very same world that you live in. See them as a child. Were they fully loved and embraced? Are they acting out of fear? Are they just scared and lonely on the inside? Can you disagree with the things they do and the pain they have caused but say a word of prayer, or meditate with them in mind, and ask that they somehow find a way to do good in the world? After all, they are likely a product of their own broken upbringing. Can we try and raise them up and show them love? To step into the hard places and simply listen to their heart?
I see a lot of things written about love, but a great many seems one-sided. The love in the Bible is two-sided, which is confusing and wonderful at the same time.
If we are truly to love, we have to love everyone, as humans, exactly the way they are. It’s not conditional, it’s not deserved, it’s not warranted. As Fred Rogers said, “[i]f you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.”
Think of that. Every encounter. Every drive-through line. Every party. Every email. Every time someone cuts you off. Are you showing love? Are your circles drawn wide? Are you loving all people (even your enemies)? Tomorrow is a new day. It’s never too late to start.
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