- Use a backdrop of whitewashed wood. Do not post a picture of your dusty crap sitting on the garage floor like a commoner. Prepare for the shoot, take the shot from multiple angles, ensure it is well lit, and display it atop an antique farmhouse table. Nothing says “take this baby bouncy seat” faster than a good filter, excellent lighting, a glint of dust gleaming in the afternoon sunlight that falls ever so gently upon the kitchen table. It won’t hurt to see a mixing bowl and vintage towel in the background.
- Use the brand name. No one wants an old ratty picture of a dandelion unless it came from Restoration Hardware. If you got it from the Neiman Marcus outlet, shoved in the sale room on the clearance table inside of a ripped box, do not share this information. Take it out of the ugly box, set it on old planks of wood, and simply say it came from Niemans, in that casual way rich people abbreviate fancy things.
- Use Emotions as a sales tactic. There is a myth that rich people don’t care about spending money. That’s not true. They want to look like they are spending a lot of money but don’t actually want to, so if you can convince them they are getting a good deal on a Gucci bag, even if it’s used and tattered on the inside, it’ll sell. Inform people of this item’s “actual value” and how great of a deal they are getting from you, and that they are stupid to pass it up. This is not your typical neighborhood white Range Rover (yawn, I’m bored). This is an upscale, barely used, high-quality leather, tripped-out version of the Range Rover your neighbor has. They will be more respected and loved if they purchase this particular item.
- Lie. Explain in the post you have three people already interested, that you are only keeping this open to an exclusive group for a two-hour window, that if they don’t buy it it’s their loss because THIS ITEM WILL QUICKLY GO and if they miss out, they will be shunned by their neighbors and friends and have to move to Dallas.
- Act aloof and disorganized. Mention that you are just trying to sell this before you jet off to France, because it’s your extra home and you simply forgot where all the receipts are to return the furniture, and use statements like “my loss your gain!” and “come grab it before we leave for holiday!”
- Never, ever reduce the price. This is a typical blunder, thinking that people will see the reduction in price and be motivated to buy. Don’t make this common mistake. It’s a sign of weakness. If anything, increase the price if it doesn’t sell in the first fifteen minutes. Continue to berate people and mention the brand and raise the price and urge them to buy immediately and act disinterested until finally you have no choice but to remove the item to save face because you posted a wooden bird on a wooden spindle that is now six hundred dollars.
- Pretend you don’t shop there. Act as if this is only the place you dump your used crap online. Do not comment on someone else’s post like “WHAT? You’re selling that headboard for $100? That’s highway robbery. Will you take $50, I’ll take the used mattress, and you can have this starbucks card with $7 on it?” You have an image to uphold. Take that seriously. It’s all you have. Well that and an expensive wooden bird.
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