This is Texas here. We stand united in our efforts to keep our nation running. We hear that some of our nation’s leaders are key on defunding the United States Post Office. Hogwash. No government bureaucrats gonna tell us what to do. We southern states are proud. Remember John Wayne? Sunday afternoon Westerns? A cowboy […]
[Continue reading...]We Don’t Need a Postal System Because Here in the South We Use the Pony Express
Internal Memo to Staff if POTUS fails to leave office (even if he loses)
Dear White House Staff and Interns: This is an unprecedented time. We all got this job thinking it would look good on our resume. We may have believed POTUS was a little nuts, but we understood it was our job to make him look good. Did we know it would involve outright lying on a […]
[Continue reading...]Breaking down the miles
Today I went for a walk, tracking the miles on my phone. I could be walking anywhere. A crowded city street, a sidewalk, breezing past old white farmhouses dotting the countryside. No matter where I am, no one wonders what I’m doing on these here streets. I looked around at the wildflowers growing along the […]
[Continue reading...]Things you Tell Your Personal Trainer that Do Not Further Your Goals
Instead of using 25-pound weights, how about I use five pound weights and just take into consideration air resistance. Air resistance is really a thing. Can I just lean my body forward as if I’m climbing a hill instead of actually pushing the incline button on the treadmill? I’ll explain what I’m seeing on […]
[Continue reading...]A Wooden Spoon {and choosing happiness}
I recall a time, long ago, when I had a young child and a new baby and my life was wrapped up in all the various things that accompanied childrearing. I felt like my time of going through hard things had ended. The season of fighting cancer and nearly dying and all the things I […]
[Continue reading...]NEWS RELEASE: LATIN PHRASE GETS FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME
Quid Pro Quo, meaning “something for something else,” is the sexy Latin phrase of the moment, garnering much attention after its use in the current Presidential impeachment hearings. No one knows if it’s a noun or modifier, but an example of such phrase is when a President asks another nation’s leader for a favor […]
[Continue reading...]How to Cook a Casserole (When the Country is Falling Apart)
Listen, kids. I don’t have time to go into the history of my Great Aunt Nancy and how I was raised by her and salt pork beans and how this particular dish reminds me of Sunday afternoons in Savanna. Our president is tweeting nonsense with wild abandon. We are in the full throttle of […]
[Continue reading...]The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day of a Middle-Aged Writer
I took the kids to school and said WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO FIGHT and saw them unwrapping granola bars in the car spreading crumbs underneath the seat like new fallen snow. I was low on gas and it smelled like someone left a sandwich in there from yesterday and my hair is dirty […]
[Continue reading...]Guide to Successful Neighborhood Swapping in Wealthy Suburbs
Use a backdrop of whitewashed wood. Do not post a picture of your dusty crap sitting on the garage floor like a commoner. Prepare for the shoot, take the shot from multiple angles, ensure it is well lit, and display it atop an antique farmhouse table. Nothing says “take this baby bouncy seat” faster than […]
[Continue reading...]Lawsuit by the Family Dog
UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE 14TH DISTRICT OF TEXAS Murphy The Dog, Plaintiff -V- Amanda Hill, Defendant COMPLAINT FOR INJUNCTIVE RELIEF (AND DOG TREATS) Plaintiff Murphy the Dog (hereinafter “Murphy”) hereby seeks declaratory and injunctive relief against Defendant & Negligent Dog Owner (hereinafter “Dog Hater”) plus makes a special request for treats based upon […]
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